Village?

Lately I’ve been wondering how parenthood can feel so overwhelming? I had to get a few teeth taken out the other day, ever since my girls have been terrors. They’re  being extra cranky, clingy, & trying to aim stuff at my face more…or so it seems. They’re too young to reprimand, so what do I do?

I’ve been trying to entertain them more. My oldest with artsy stuff. My youngest with rattles & teething rags. But I’ve noticed that I can’t seem to get any quiet time during the day, including 5 minutes to go to the bathroom in peace.

Now I think I need a couple of hours to myself. I love my girls, but this mama needs a small break. I’m starting to agree with a lot of other moms on facebook…where’s the village that our parents used to have? How is it that parents now a days don’t hardly get any help with their kids when they need it? I wish I had a little more help than I do…but I manage just fine.

Medical BS

This is definitely going to be a rant today…

I got onto my hubby’s insurance page to help him locate a dentist that’s in network that can work for the whole family. I can’t find a dentist in network without having to travel close to 50 miles away…we’re not traveling that far for dental work, especially with kids. Out of network has different charges & fees that are required, & depending on what needs done…possible out of pocket expenses.

We’ve been informed that if the new healthcare bill passes that our coverage on everything (medical, dental, & vision) will change & not necessarily for the better. I can’t keep up with every change that’ll be made medically, but dealing with medical personnel is a pain in the ass already…much less when shit changes again…

Can our political leaders actually help the little people more & not screw us over every chance they get??? Are we that disposable that they can fuck with our health & get away with it??? I would hope the answer is no, but it seems as if they can…and it really sucks! Can we impeach everyone in office & start new with everyday people, most likely the poorer class, & see what actually changes???

May the 4th Be With Them Forever…

With Yesterday being May 4th, or Star Wars Day, I decided to have a Star Wars Marathon at my house. We are such movie nerds that it’s pretty normal for something like this to happen at our house. Our girls are pretty used to it by now, the oldest actually loves days like those. Yesterday she was running around in a ballet tutu swinging around her lightsaber, it was cute.

Even if our daughter is too young to realize what is going on in a lot of the movies in our house, she loves the craziness of them. They keep her imagination open, allows her to pretend more. Our youngest loves watching her sister play pretend, no matter what she’s trying to act out.

Both daughters are going to be encouraged to use their imaginations to their fullest extents. I want my kids to believe in the weird & impossible. To believe anything is possible, no matter what anybody tells them. To quote the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland, “The only way to achieve the impossible, is to believe it is possible.”

I don’t want anybody crushing my kids imaginations. If I can help it I will be feeding their imaginations for as long as they want to believe in fantasy or science fiction or whatever you want to call it. Schools nowadays take away play & creativity…they make kids grow up faster than they should. I just hope my kids will keep their childhood alive for a while & not grow up too fast…days like yesterday give me hope for that!

Dinner Win

Well tonight I experimented with dinner. My toddler keeps refusing to eat most foods, especially meat. So tonight I tried to hide the meat in a casserole. It was a salmon pasta bake. That may sound so disgusting to a lot of people, but it was a win with my daughter. She ate every bite of it! Score 1 for Mama.

I can’t always make her a separate meal if she refuses to eat…so I have started experimenting more with different foods, mostly meats, in order to widen her taste pallet so she’ll refuse less food in the future. I’ve even had to get less picky myself, just to help her. I grew up very picky, but now i’m not as bad. I’m hoping she won’t be that picky either.

Honestly though, she’s only almost 2 & already showing interest in cooking & preparing food. I might let her help me when she gets closer to 3…maybe stirring cake batter or something…idk yet.

I definitely need more recipes for meat to flavor it up without much time or too many spices…I’ve noticed my daughter prefers something with lots of flavor…so do I, but i’m still learning what flavors are ok together.

Filling Love

Wow, I can’t believe how long the weekend felt & that it’s May already. The Hubby took us & some friends to the lake this last Saturday. Besides the gnats it was fun. My oldest Daughter decided she would spend most of the time in the water. At 1 point she fell in the water, but attempted to swim…she couldn’t figure out her arms, so the Hubby helped her out. I was proud & worried all in 1. I remember being young & excited about water…then I almost drowned under an ocean wave, water is truly dangerous…at times.

My little 1 is trying to headplow her way off of pallets I make for her tummy time. I love watching her try to figure out how the crawl & roll over. Her Sister tries to read her books. Or shows her games as she plays them. It is truly freaking adorable how well they interact with each other. I fill up with more Love everytime they get along…which is more common at the moment.

But I can see my oldest acting out on more tantrums soon, especially since our friend’s youngest is a threenager…oh the joys of toddlerhood…lol.

Depression

Today was an eventful evening…we had some friends over for a bbq & some drinks. I have to admit it was kind of spur of the moment, but oh well. We all had a few good laughs. The kids & dogs had fun playing in the backyard. After dinner the kids went down easily…none of the older ones had taken naps today. This sounds like a start to a good relaxing evening right?

Unfortunately for me, as soon as I start to calm down & relax from having a wonderful happy time, my depression kicks in & tries messing it up. I don’t think it’s postpartum depression, cause I’ve had depression for a while. But it has kicked in harder since having my kids. I’ve been talking to my doctors, counseling. And it has helped out for the most part. But on nights like tonight I realize how much I’m scared to have good time, cause of the downfall that comes after.

But I continue having the good times, cause they’re worth it, especially with my girls. I just have to take a minute to collect my thoughts before they go too haywire, then remember the good times I’ve had. Depression gets a little easier with every deep breath, but it’s never gone for good…I literally just have to take it step by step & day by day.

Movies & Emotions

I started watching a movie earlier today, I remember it being really good…it still is. But in the movie a kid gets killed…the movie is Looper. I forgot about that part, so when it happened it took me by total surprise. I broke down crying wondering how bad that movie mom must be feeling right then. That’s not the only movie I’ve done that with either…it’s been pretty much any movie with kids in it…especially if they get hurt or killed.

I remember watching the movie Noah when I was pregnant with daughter #2. The girls don’t get hurt, but they were threatened with death before they were born, for being girls. I couldn’t carry my kid, wondering the whole time if it would die.

With daughter #1 pregnancy, the hubby had me watch the Alien movie series…I couldn’t be in the room when the alien went after Newt.

I feel like I’ve lost control of my emotions since being pregnant & having kids…I can’t watch movies anymore without crying everytime something happens to a kid or pregnant lady. I feel like I can’t breathe if I see a dead child in a movie…

And it turns out that having kids has effected the hubby’s emotions too. Everytime we see an emotional movie dealing with kids, like the Hunger Games, he starts crying now…especially if the kid is a girl. he feels weaker for showing emotions, I believe he’s stronger because of it. It shows how much he loves our girls.

I’m curious if we’re the only parents who have had this happen to them with movies since having kids??? I doubt it, but I would love to know other people’s stories if they’re like us on this…it would make me feel less weird about my overflowing emotions.

GERD

I’ve been ordering my 2nd daughter’s formula, since it’s not offered in the store…It really sucks that she needs specialty formula, cause it’s more expensive…

She has GERD, or the baby version of acid reflux. This makes her extra cranky, extra sensitive, & pukey. On top of the special formula, she has to have medicine, Ranitidine. She hates the flavor of it, but she can’t keep down her formula without it…which sucks cause i’m her favorite person to throw up on.

She’s finally asleep after a day of sheer crying…it’s so peaceful, & she looks like she’s feeling better. I just really wish I could help her feel better during the day…i’m trying, but not much helps. Maybe tomorrow will be better???

My Life

I’ve always thought life would be tough after leaving my parents house, but nothing ever prepares you for the real world, or its stresses. I always thought that achieving the American Dream wasn’t out of your reach if you wanted it enough, but shit happens. Nothing has happened the way I thought it would when I was younger, this includes motherhood.

I’m a stay at home wife to a hard-working husband & a mom of 2 wonderful girls that’re a handful. It took me forever to get here with my family. The hubby & I went through years of heartache & financial insecurity. When we wanted to start our family, I got diagnosed with PCOS, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I had 3 miscarriages, 1 of those was a twin pregnancy & it was ectopic. I finally was able to carry our oldest to term, she was definitely our rainbow baby! Then before our oldest daughter turns 1 we find out we’re pregnant again, this time we weren’t trying for a baby. Our 2nd daughter, the pot-of-gold baby, was born when our oldest was just 20 months old.

I’m now living day-to-day trying to figure out a new normal. The oldest isn’t quite 2 years old yet, still teething & just beginning her tantrums & sassy comebacks. The youngest is almost 3 months old & already starting to teeth, but also has other health issues & really horrible separation anxiety when she’s not being held. We also have a 6 month old chocolate lab puppy, male, who’s a major handful & a teething nightmare. Then there’s the cat, male, who thinks he’s the blasted king of the world! Enough said there. The hubby works his butt off everyday, between 8-16 hours during work days, to provide a comfortable home for us.

Life sure isn’t what I thought it would be, but it’s my life! Now I’m hoping I can find the calm in the everyday hectic life…maybe help others get there too.