Today was an eventful evening…we had some friends over for a bbq & some drinks. I have to admit it was kind of spur of the moment, but oh well. We all had a few good laughs. The kids & dogs had fun playing in the backyard. After dinner the kids went down easily…none of the older ones had taken naps today. This sounds like a start to a good relaxing evening right?

Unfortunately for me, as soon as I start to calm down & relax from having a wonderful happy time, my depression kicks in & tries messing it up. I don’t think it’s postpartum depression, cause I’ve had depression for a while. But it has kicked in harder since having my kids. I’ve been talking to my doctors, counseling. And it has helped out for the most part. But on nights like tonight I realize how much I’m scared to have good time, cause of the downfall that comes after.

But I continue having the good times, cause they’re worth it, especially with my girls. I just have to take a minute to collect my thoughts before they go too haywire, then remember the good times I’ve had. Depression gets a little easier with every deep breath, but it’s never gone for good…I literally just have to take it step by step & day by day.

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